I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
