happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
