last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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