May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
