Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
