absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
