Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
