I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sarcasm needs its own font
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
And then he peed in my hair
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