You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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