At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
