please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize