3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
