I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
