the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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