Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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