By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
