Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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