I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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