quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
