Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
