she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize