I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
