He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I checked into jail on foursquare
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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