We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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