she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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