did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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