you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
