i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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