You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
