Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish i was in the wii world.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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