im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize