Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
