I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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