the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
