Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
