I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
