My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
