I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
