I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize