I would go down on you faster than GM stock
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
