I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
