R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
