I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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