Who wears a wallet chain?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
