I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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