White coat. Heels.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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