The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
