my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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