i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
