Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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