Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's always time for handjobs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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