Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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