It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
