Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
