This is not my ceiling
I cannot find my penis.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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