Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
