so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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