You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
