Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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