we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
