I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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