On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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