I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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