No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
