Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
