Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I puked a lego.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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