hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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