Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
