hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
