i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
