Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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