hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Jerry, you need to find god
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
