distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
