she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
