Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
